Anxiety is an awful emotion to feel, a feeling that cannot be controlled and you are unaware of it creeping up on you. Different levels of anxiety lie in all of us all the time. From a simple thing like “Oh no, I’ve got school/work tomorrow” to something a lot more nerve wracking like a scary job interview or waiting for your appointment at the doctor (I know I’m not the only one). Although anxiety lies in all of us, It affects people in different ways. When we’re stressed, our anxiety levels are much higher and some of us become a lot more sensitive to it. For those of you who are calm, collected and pretty fearless, you will have a much lower anxiety threshold.( something I wish I had)

Extremely high levels of anxiety, can, in a lot of people, cause panic attacks, whether you are aware of your anxiety or not.

I’ve suffered with panic attacks for 7 and a half years , and so i’m writing this blog post for those of you who struggle to understand, feel alone, need advice or need someone else to understand.

I started suffering from panic attacks at the age of 7, these were occuring whilst living through a stressful home enviroment (thats a whole other story for a different time). I was forever anxious about what would happen next with the constant arguing and fighting between my parents which I frequenty got dragged into, Forever scared I’d do/done something wrong and felt constant presure to be perfect. All I wanted was acceptance from my own family. Something I’m still yet to expierance. It’s understandable that not everybody “gets” what a panic attack is. In fact i’m pretty sure more people don’t understand than do, which is really sad. Even some of the people closest to me, struggle to understand exactly how it affects me, or my life, or some decisions that I choose to make. Even after hours of explaining, unless someone has been through a panic attack themselves, they will never truly or fully understand. My first ever panic attack was just a normal day , my parents were arguing like usual but this time they seemed more agressive. I was in my room trying to block it out but also listen to see if they would get physical, well it did, the police were called . I remeber later on that night my mum was really upset , blaming herself , telling me it was her fault. Nothing I said conforted her , it was all just really overwhelming. It was like a bus hitting me out of the blue, wouldn’t of epexted it in a millions years. The room was what seemed like skrinking around me, I couldn’t control my breathing and soon myself gasping for air, I had a strong peircing pain in my chest and my musles were tense. Soon I was uncontrolably shaking and had a sea sick feeling in my stomach, I had a sensory overload and it was like someone turned up the volume up. All I could hear was my uncontrolable wheezing and it made it all worse.

Panic attacks come on very quickly, symptoms usually peaking within 10 minutes. Most panic attacks last for between 5 and 20 minutes. Some people report attacks lasting for up to an hour, but they are likely to be experiencing one attack after another, or a high level of anxiety after the initial attack. This is what I suffer from, If I ever have a panic attack, it will NEVER last 20 minutes, it will always spiral, until I can be alone, somewhere I feel comfortable, which can sometimes be hours away. For me only being 7 I was really scared and confused about what had happend, and being me chose to ignore it. Panic attacks weren’t consistant and very rare in the younger years of my life, they only be came regular and uncontrolable when I started Highschool which was a massive and scary transition to most but a majory step for me. Moving to highschool started alot of problems that I deal with to this day still.

I really just wanted nothing more than to be able to walk into asda and not have a total freak out. I really did try, I tried to put on a brave face and act like nothing would happen & I tried to tell myself it was all in my head and nothing was dangerous and as long as you don’t think about it, you’ll be fine. But it’s not your choice. I don’t think my friends understood, and in all fairness, I guess I didn’t really explain as I wasn’t sure myself why this kept happening to me. They started off inviting me out lots, and gradually, I’d just end up saying no for the fear of having an attack, until they gave up inviting me all together. This upset me, as I felt as though they probably thought I didn’t want to be there, or maybe they didn’t want me there, who wants a panic attack sufferer as a massive burden on a stupid trip to asda? I was missing out, and I hated it because it wasn’t anything I could control.

Something people don’t seem to realise, is that self esteem is seriously dented from suffering these attacks. I still, to this day, think that people judge me, and that they possibly all talk about how weird I am, or how annoying I am for having panic attacks, or even that they may think you make it up, or are using as an excuse. You start to think that you are ruining everyone else’s life around you & have become a nuisance. So when I have people tell me “get over it”,”stop overthinking it” I feel annoying , and if i say that im this or that people then say “if you keep thinking that you’ll believe it”. But this is all part of a mental illness that I can’t control.

I’m going to list places I’ve had panic attacks before, as I want to express that they won’t just happen when you anticipate them, but they can literally just spring on you, anywhere…

In bed at night, In a supermarket, In a corner shop, at a party, In a taxi, On a bus, On a tram, On a train, At the train station, In a restaurant, At a friends house, At a family members house, Girlfriends house, In a car, On a boat, At school , just walking outside

you get the message

One thing a lot of people don’t understand, is that people who suffer panic attacks, DO NOT WANT TO FEEL THIS WAY. We don’t want to get on a train and think “I really hope I get to the other end without panicking”, we don’t want to restrict the way we live because of something we can’t control that leaves us feeling mentally and physically drained for days/weeks/months on end. We want to be normal, and carry on with our everyday lives without any added anxiety. I’d love to be able to say “I don’t worry about anything, besides the normal things”. After a panic attack, I feel so upset, but it’s mostly anger. Angry at myself for not having any control and angry that I don’t know how to make it stop. Then I feel angry because I feel like nobody understands. I am like “A car in the street, who’s alarm goes off with the smallest gust of wind, where as all the other cars, take a good beating before their alarms go off”.

Right now I’m trying my best to control my panic attacks, I have verious grounding techniques and am on medication to try keep me calm. I recomment moodjuice, thrive and childline websites for coping mechanisms to get you through your anxiety

I hope this has helped some of you. If you’re reading this, and you really feel down and depressed about your panic attacks and the way it has affected your life, please remember…

You are not alone, panic attacks are VERY common, and although terrifying, will not kill you. Don’t let your attacks ruin your confidence or dent your self esteem, you are an amazing person, and you CAN stop them, with the right treatment and techniques. Do not force yourself to go somewhere you don’t feel comfortable, you and your health are far more important than keeping someone else happy. If someone close to you fails to understand, it can leave you feeling terribly alone and insecure, FORCE them to read this blog post and tell them I’ll kick their bottom if they don’t LISTEN and show as much support as possible.

That’s all from me. Please share experience’s and leave comments below, it won’t just help me, but will also help others just like you reading this blogpost.

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